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Vulcan to Turn Up Heat on Wrestling

Vulcan to Turn Up Heat on Wrestling

What: International Wrestling Australia
Where: Newcastle Panthers
Author: Anthony Scully
When: Friday October 22, 1999

MARK MERCEDES, all-Australian yobbo wrestler, spits out taunts designed to intimidate GLADIATOR VULCAN, and at the very least, make him run home crying to his mommy.

'He's probably one of the worst actors in the world,' Mercedes (pictured left) snarls about Vulcan (right).

'And when he was on Gladiators all he did was hit skinny little tiny contestants with nerf toys, and that's made him all soft.'

Welcome to the world of INTERNATIONAL WRESTLING AUSTRALIA coming to you this Friday night at the Newcastle Workers Club.

Promoter TYRONE TOWNSEND says professional wrestling audiences want their two-hour shows to be 'almost like a Hollywood movie'.

And that's what audiences will get, including larger than life characters, drama, intrigue and a storyline guaranteed to have you cheering for the good guys and hissing at the baddies.

The main event, Vulcan versus Mercedes, will be a bout where the animosity will be as real as the palm trees downstairs at RIO CARNIVALE. According to Townsend, Vulcan and Mercedes trained in the United States, back in 1991, in an elite facility where the pair were forced to share a dormitory.

Mercedes was an inconsiderate yobbo, even back then.

'During the Florida water rations Merecedes used to have 45-minute showers,' Townsend said.

'They both used to get into arguments.

'Mercedes stayed up heaps late annoying Vulcan while Vulcan was trying to get some sleep, eating all the American junk food, watching his 38 channels, keeping Vulcan awake.'

And it gets worse folks.

Mercedes 'the biggest, fattest, giant burger-eating bully', has an extreme case of envy against Vulcan, who has 'still got a half decent physique'.

Basically Mercedes wants to injure Vulcan 'in a wrestling match and end his acting career,' Townsend warns.

Characters on the undercard will include AJ FREHLEY, an arrogant New Zealand wrestler who is down on Australia and Australian institutions such as Vegemite, the Aussie cricket team, our beer and probably our sheilas.

There is also a mean and dirty prison warden PUNISHER PICKFORD who once handcuffed a midget wrestler PJ DAVIS and set about beating him with a riot baton.

Other attractions may include 'a tag team, a 20-man Battle Royal and an all-in brawl'.

Phwoar! TE

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